Too Broken
by daringtodreamm
Summary: "Monsters are real and ghosts are real, too. They live inside us. And sometimes, they win." -Stephen King. Jade-centric. M for the usual heavy stuff- depression, mentions of self-harm, substance abuse, innuendos, language. Please give it a chance. :
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, guys. This is my first fanfiction I'm sharing online, usually they're just confined to my notebooks at home. :) Take it easy on the newcomer, okay? ;) Please give this a chance, I promise you'll like it. There's more to it but I'm gonna be uploading chapter by chapter in intervals... Also I just want to point out, I do realize that Jade's a little bit OOC in this chapter, but believe me- by the next chapter she's already back to her normal self. Plus, I like to believe she has a different side when she's alone with Beck, so you'll be seeing a lot of that in here, too.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything- the quote below this, the quote in the description, Victorious, Beck, Jade... the only things I own are the words on this page. :)**

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><p><em>"There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they're the way they are. They aren't just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them, and sometimes, it's impossible to fix them." –Author Unknown<em>

"Can you make it stop?" I pleaded.

"I couldn't in myself…but in my experience, someone else can stop it for you. You just have to find that someone."

"How will I know it's them?"

"Well sometimes it's someone you don't expect it to be. But you can't pull yourself out all alone. Someone has to help you out."

"And it'll all go away?" I said, warily.

"No… part of the pain will always be there, but it helps you grow. You can't just pretend part of your life didn't happen, because it did. And there's no changing that. So the only thing you can do is just… learn from it, I guess. Let it make you a better person."

We were lying on his bed talking, just talking. He ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated. When he let his tan hand drop back to his side, I followed in suit, bringing my hand down his face lightly to pull his chin up towards me. In contrast to his dark tone, I was pale as a ghost.

He looked into my eyes and I melted in his chocolate centers. Damn it, I was love-y today, wasn't I? I friggin' hated being this mushy. The things he did to me… he was the ringmaster who'd managed to tame the wild tiger.

He laid his hand on top of mine and slowly dragged it up my arm and down the inside, lightly brushing against the deep scars embedded in my left wrist. He didn't flinch or grimace at the touch. He didn't scoff or roll his eyes and accuse me of wanting attention, like anyone else would. But he did send tingles up and down my spine.

He absently starting wrapping my loose black curls around his fingers and then letting them unravel. Every now and then, a streak of blue or green extension would appear in his grasp.

I took this opportunity of blissful silence to ask something that I'd been waiting to voice since the start of our conversation.

"Beck?"

"Mm?" He wrapped his left arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him, his right hand still playing with my hair.

"…who pulled you out?"

His lips curved up into a small smirk and he shook his head a little.

"Don't worry about it."

"Beck!"

He chuckled lightly and said, "Maybe I'll tell you someday. Right now let's just focus on getting you out, okay? I'll help you find that someone."

"I've already found him," I smiled and sat up on the bed, settling myself into an Indian-style position. "I just don't think he knows it yet."

"Can I take a guess, maybe?" Beck sat up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. "I have a pretty good idea."

"Well obviously you do, considering he just worked his magic." I rolled my eyes playfully.

"I thought so." Beck laughed and pulled me onto his lap.

He kissed me. And like he had predicted, everything was so much better. My someone had pulled me out of the depression.

At least for a little while.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, y'all. :) SO I got some positive feedback on the last chapter, and I was a little nervous, but I'm glad you guys liked it. I decided since I can't fall asleep anyway, I'd put up chapter #2. I thought the chapters were a lot longer than they actually are and I guess that's kinda because I have big handwriting, awk... so I apologize for the shortness of each chapter. There are a lot, though! Thanks for reading. And don't forget to review!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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><p>"Sikowitz, I must have heard you wrong because- it's funny- I thought I heard you say <em>Tori<em> got the part!" I sarcastically shouted after my acting teacher announced the cast list for the spring play.

He just stood there and looked at the clock, and lucky for him, the bell rang shortly after.

"Okay, class! Rehearsals start next Tuesday, and don't forget-"

I never figured out what I wasn't supposed to forget because I stormed out of the classroom in a rage. I didn't even look back to see Tori no doubt flirting with my boyfriend and basking in her own perfection. I was shaking with frustration, and albeit something that felt vaguely like jealousy that I tried my hardest to push straight out of my mind.

Damn the little princess. Why the Hell did she even have to come here in the first place? Everything was just fine- _good_, even- until _she_ showed up and ruined everything. When would she learn? Couldn't she see that acting and singing- they were my everything? Performing was the only thing I could possibly do right? Couldn't she tell that I was teetering on the edge of insanity and the only thing keeping me sane was being on stage? And it didn't take a brain surgeon to notice that Beck was the _only_ thing that was tangibly _mine_, the only guy I'd ever had all to myself, and the only person I'd ever _needed_, and she clearly was trying to take him away from me. What the Hell did I do to deserve this?

Before I realized it, I was in the girls' bathroom, looking at my reflection in the mirror- cheeks flushed from running straight here, chest heaving from anxiety, and eyes filled with bloodlust.

_Goddamnit, look at you, Jade. All worked up over fucking Tori Vega? You're pathetic._

I started rummaging through my messy bag, frantically.

Dammit, where the _fuck_ were those pills?


	3. Chapter 3

**Howdy! So glad you guys are liking it so far. I figure the more reviews I get, the faster I'll update. So thanks for reading and reviewing, people! Just wanted to clear a few things up…**

**One, each chapter takes place from a few days to a week after its prior. This isn't exactly chronological order; it's not a day-by-day kind of thing. It's almost as if I'm looking at moments of Jade's year separately, in the order they occurred, but separated by breaks in time.**

**Two, this next chapter takes place in Beck's parents' house when they're not at home. Yes, he has the RV. Yes, there are upcoming chapters that take place in it later.**

**Disclaimer: Victorious isn't mine. Waaah.**

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><p>Beck never got mad. He only got physical.<p>

Because he knew that was the way I liked it.

He shoved me up against the wall and I let his hands have free range of my body. He smirked into my lips, knowing he was the only one I'd ever let in like this, or see me this vulnerable. I ran my hands through his hair as he pressed his body against mine and I pulled a little at the nape of his neck, making him moan a "Jade" into my mouth. Now it was my turn to smirk.

I kept my eyes closed and felt him making his way down my neck, leaving a trail of kisses until he suddenly stopped midway.

I opened my eyes to see what was wrong, but not before he parted his lips slightly and sunk his teeth in.

I yelped and pushed him back off of me a little, but continued to kiss him roughly on the mouth. I was feeling mischievous, so I let my teeth tug on his bottom lip and when his hands flew to my hips in approval, I bit down.

"Dammit, Jade.." he said, after his own small cry of pain, which brought about another smirk from me. "So you're allowed to bite me, but I'm not allowed to bite you?"

I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him softly, grinning. "I never said I didn't like it." I breathed.

As soon as he put his hands on either side of my face, I broke the kiss and ran out of the empty spare bedroom, giggling.

"Oh, come on, Jade!" I heard the longing in Beck's voice from down the hall. He hadn't come out of the bedroom to look for me yet. "You can't just do that to me and then _leave_!"

I was laughing. I was actually, genuinely _happy_ for once. It had been the longest time. Beck truly was the sunshine in my life.

That was when my cell phone rang.

"Hello?" It took me two seconds to pick up when I saw the number that had dialed me.

"…Jade?" Oh, no. Smashed out of her mind, I could hear it in the way she said my name.

"I'll be there in a few minutes, okay?" I stayed as calm as possible so I wouldn't freak her out. "Just hang tight, for now. I'll be right over." And I hung up there, not wanting to hear her mumbling and crying over the receiver any more.

I booked it down the spiral staircase and slung my leather jacket on before wrenching the front door open.

"Jade?" Beck called, coming out of the room and seeing me at the door, his expression immediately one of undying concern and care. He stood over the balcony and his voice became slightly stern and protective. "Jade, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry." I never apologized- to _anyone_. But I truly was sorry for leaving him hanging like this. I didn't have a choice though, I had to move fast. I sighed and turned to leave.

"It's my mother."


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay. Before I start this, I just wanna say the premise of this chapter is not entirely my own, I believe I read something with a similar idea in another Bade or Jade-centric fanfic, but I can't remember which one… so this is me giving credit lol. This chapter's basically metaphor central, so if you're not catching my drift, just leave it in the pretty little review showcase. :)**

**Disclaimer: I barely own anything on this page now, huh…**

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><p>"Okay, I- I just had to ask you something…"<p>

I didn't know how I ended up in this situation, but I didn't like it, I rolled my eyes as Tori Vega shifted uncomfortably before me standing in front of my locker.

"Vega, I _really_ don't want to talk to you-"

"Jade," she seemed terrified at the face that she had dared to interrupt me, which normally I would've given her Hell for. But now I was officially intrigued. This must have been important if she was brave enough to confront me.

I pulled my last book out of my locker and stuffed it in my bag, closing and locking my locker directly after. I turned to face Tori and leaned against the wall, taking a sip of the hot coffee I'd just bought at lunch. I gave her a look that said, 'go on'.

"Well… I just wanted to know…" she was still scared to go any farther, and I sighed and rolled my eyes again which seemed to give her a boost of determination.

"Why do you hate me?" She blurted out.

I pretended to think really hard, then sarcastically said, "You mean like, just one reason that stand out against all the others?"

She just stared at me, clearly not finding my joke as funny as I did.

"Come on Tori, I just _do_. Okay?" I frustratedly spat out. But, she still wouldn't leave.

I sighed, took another _long_ sip of coffee, and gave in.

"When I was little," Tori's face was shocked when she realized that I was actually going to tell her something, but I ignored it and continued, "I used to think I had glitter running through my veins instead of blood, like everyone else did."

I couldn't tell what she thought of it. She seemed to be trying to soak in as much of this as she possibly could. I went on, to humor myself a bit more.

"Obviously, soon enough I realized how wrong I was. And I was disappointed. Maybe because I thought it made me special, or maybe because it simply made me different. I don't know." I dismissed it carelessly.

"But sometimes," I said, turning to head to my next class, "I get kind of jealous, when you _do_ bleed glitter."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi guys! Let me know what you think of everything so far. PS, tell your friends to read and review, too! Also, if you ever get bored, go to my profile and click on the nice YouTube link that'll bring you to the page where my best friend and I cover pop and country songs. We're good, I promise! Help us bring our dreams to reality. Without further ado, chapter 5!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine, except the plot… I can take credit for _that_ at least, right?**

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><p>The smell of booze and smoke was penetrating as soon as I stepped into my house.<p>

I threw my bag on the floor in the foyer and headed into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat.

The first thing I noticed on the counter was an open pack of cigarettes, along with a half empty bottle of anti-depressants. I sighed and put the meds up high, behind old dishes, where I knew my mom couldn't find them. And of course, this would make her crazy _and_ be a waste of money, but I trashed the cigs.

"Jadelyn? Is that you, baby?" I heard my mother's voice on its way upstairs from the basement.

"Yeah, Mom, it's me," I said, hurriedly shoving the box of Marlboro to the bottom of the garbage can. "I'm home."

I finished just as she appeared in the kitchen. She must have been having a drink and a smoke- she always went downstairs to do that. And I could still smell the tobacco on her breath as she kissed my forehead before making her way to the refrigerator.

"How was school, honey?" She pulled a tub of hummus out from the back shelf. Yep, I was right. I'd known my mother long enough to memorize her crazy liquor-induced snacking habits.

"Fine." I sat down at the table and pulled my combat boots off. "I got an A on my method acting test."

"That's my girl." I saw her smile just a little bit before stuffing a pita chip in her mouth. "And how's Beck?"

"Great. Beck's… great." And there was something about the way that I'd said it that made her smirk at me.

"…_what_?" I snapped, and she giggled and came to sit down with me. For once, I actually felt like a normal teenager having a normal conversation with her normal mom.

Until she added her next question.

"You really love him, don't you?"

I paused before answering. I didn't want to upset her, but I wasn't going to lie to her, either.

"…I don't believe in love." I took my eyes off of her and pretended to fix the piercing on my left eyebrow as a distraction. "It's stupid. And it only wind up ugly, anyway. I believe I need him. I _know_ I need him. But, love?" I twiddled my thumbs, awkwardly. "Love's a myth. It's something people substitute for 'want' or 'need' so they don't seem selfish. It doesn't exist."

"Well that's not true, sweetie!" My mom put her hands on top of my thigh. "Because _I_ love _you_!"

"Yeah," I said, standing up- suddenly frustrated. "When you take your 'happy pills'."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to update , guys. I'm the lead in two shows that I'm currently doing, so I've been pretty busy lately, plus I've been totally overloaded with homework by teachers who are trying to cram everything in before break. PS, this is a short little chapter. But I'll put the next one up soon. Reviews are really encouraging. They help my muse. :)**

**I refuse to put a disclaimer since you know I own nothing.**

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><p>You know that feeling when you're a little kid and you wake up one morning wondering why you're sooo tired, when you suddenly realize that it's because you stayed up all night, or for as long as you can remember- and it's Christmas, and you literally could hear the Hallelujah chorus?<p>

That's what it feels like every time I wake up next to Beck.

I'll wake up wondering why I'm so warm, and realize it's because Beck's big, bare arms are wrapped around me, and his naked torso is pressed up against my shirtless back. And then I'll glance over at the clock that reads somewhere between 10am and 1pm and wonder why we're not in school- and realize it's a Saturday.

This combination, folks, is enough to make Jadelyn August West squeal like a little girl.

Which, of course, she doesn't. She would never.

But she feels like she sure could.

Every single time.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** **Hi guys. Sorry ****it's taken me forever to update, I've been kinda sick lately. :& Plus the holiday season's just kinda catching up to me. Again, I'm just gonna apologize for the shortness of all the chapters. This is pre-written, I type it up straight out of my notebook from last year, so I really don't want to change it. Any ending chapters I may add, though, I promise to try and make longer.**

**But, without further ado, I give you one of my favorite chapters from this fanfic c: It's like metaphor central, so let me know if you guys are getting it... the whole thing's a little symbolic, but it's like fluffy-symbolism, so don't look too far into it. Enjoy!**

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><p>"What do I taste like?"<p>

I was sitting on the bed in the RV, doing math homework, when Beck asked me this- he was eating popcorn and watching old cartoons on the small cable TV perched across from us.

"Excuse me?" I smirked and didn't look up from my papers, although I knew he was watching me attentively, waiting for an answer. "That's kind of a stupid question…"

"No it's not…" He stuffed another handful of popcorn in his mouth, and then continued. "Everybody tastes like _something_."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, intent on _finishing_ my math homework, but he didn't let it go.

"Like, you know, Cat tastes like raspberries. Tori tastes like peaches-"

"Because you'd know how they _taste_?" I finally looked up to meet his gaze with a stern tone and skeptical expression. Nobody tastes my boyfriend but _me_. Especially not someone like Tori Vega, I knew she'd been trying to steal him from me! The little-

"Relax, Jade." Beck interrupted my internal rant calmly, but I caught a small smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. I hated how he loved seeing me squirm with jealousy.

"People taste how they _smell_."

"That's ridiculous." I tried to play it off like I didn't almost just lose my cool five seconds before. "What do I taste like, then?"

"Well," Beck started, taking a long swig of water before continuing on. Good Lord, such the drama queen, wasn't he? "I _thought_ you were gonna taste citrus-y. Like lemons and oranges. You know. 'Cause that's what you _smell_ like." He couldn't hide a smile when he brought that up again. I rolled my eyes. "But you were an exception to the rule."

"Go figure." I put away my math homework, too frustrated to focus on pre-calc. "Jade West: the freak of nature. The _'exception to the rule'_."

"You never cease to amaze me, Jade." He said affectionately as he leaned in and kissed me long and soft on the lips.

When he broke away (much, much too soon) he'd left me breathless. Just like every time since the first time.

"By the way," he whispered in my ear, "you taste like vanilla." He chuckled, then pecked me on the cheek before grabbing the empty popcorn bowl and heading to the microwave on the other side of the RV to fill up.

"For the record, Beck," I breathed, head still spinning from the kiss. "You taste like cinnamon."

I could hear his low, soft chuckle all the way from where I was sitting, as if his lips were still inches away from my ear.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Again, I'm superbly sorry I have zero free time anymore. My chem grades suck. So, according to my parents, my life stops until I can get them up again. -.- I've managed to sneak in time to upload a few more chapters, so I'm just gonna crank a bunch out as fast as I can tonight. Hope you like. :) This is the title-cameo chapter, lol. c: Too many happy things have happened recently in the previous chapter, it was only a matter of time before Jade got upset again.**

**Disclaimer: Not even in my wildest dreams.**

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><p>In the dead of night, you start to relive things. Any tainted memory, bad experience, fucked up emotion… it all starts messing with your brain, until you literally can't take it anymore. They always find you.<p>

It was bad, that one night. Bad enough to make me cry; shaking and sobbing in my bed at two o'clock in the morning.

Which, I can assure you- no matter _what_ time of day it is- crying is something I _don't_ do.

I did the only thing I could think of; I grabbed my cellphone, locked myself in my closet, curled up into a ball and speed-dialed Beck.

He stayed up all night, making sure I wouldn't do anything stupid or resort to any old habits. He stayed on the line with me for hours, listening to my choked sobs and rants about everything. He promised he'd help chase my demons away. And he did, like only he had the power to do. I made it through the night without completely losing my sanity.

The catch? I felt sorry for _him_.

He didn't know, when he first asked me out two and a half years ago, what kind of parasitic relationship he was getting himself into. He didn't realize what I truly was. It was always me, that had to constantly be taken care of, always needing to be watched and monitored so I didn't hurt myself any more than I already had. That's not how relationships are supposed to be.

I was sorry that I'd ever let Beck in, for his sake, of course. I'd made him need me as much as I needed him, which is something that nobody should ever have to endure. I'm like drug. You'd think I'd be a one-time challenge, an in-the-moment girl, a quick high, until you become addicted and hooked so fast. No matter how bad I am for you, you can never get rid of me.

And for that, Beck, I'll always be sorry. Sorry that you have to deal with me, and take care of me, when I can do nothing for you.

I'm sorry you fell in love with someone who's too broken to ever love back.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: And bad quickly goes to worse. Poor Jade. I hate that I wrote her into such a messy life. :c Although I doubt she'd be Jade if her life wasn't messy. R&R, por favor. ****Sorry about the short-ness and scattered-ness, but that's kinda what Jade's mind is like during this scene.**

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><p>I thought little girls were supposed to feel safe at home?<p>

I never did.

The shaking of my hands, the ringing in my ears, the pounding of my head, the screaming sobs of my drunken, high mother.

Crack? Where the fuck could she ever get _crack_?

I knew it was her first high and I knew she'd never do it again after this. She couldn't control herself; she was even more of a mess than I'd ever seen her: on her knees crying, begging me to bring my father back home, the man I couldn't remember and frankly had no desire to. And I didn't want to hear any more of it.

I had to take care of her.

But the shaking of my hands, the ringing in my ears, the pounding of my head…

It had to _stop. _

I pulled the drawer open- I was so _dizzy_ from all the screaming- and pulled a random bottle out of it, pouring five or six large blue pills into my hand.

I'll let you know that I hesitated for a bit. Just so you don't think I'm too selfish of a person.

But I still took them, anyway.


	10. Chapter 10

"You can't do that anymore." Beck said calmly when he first heard about the pills. He was rubbing my shoulders with the palms of his hands and pushing softly into my back with his thumbs.

"It helps," I said in a small voice. "They make it all… go away. For a little while."

"It's not good for you." His voice was a little harder this time, but he quickly reverted back to a soft tone, remembering what always worked best with me. "You have to promise me."

"Well, I can't do _that_…" I chuckled uncomfortably.

"Jade." He turned me around and looked me straight in the eyes.

All I could hear was our breathing. We sat together like this, staring into each others' eyes, waiting for someone to give up the fight, until I finally cracked. But only because since he and I _both_ knew he was right. Loosely translated to: Beck's not ever giving this up.

"Alright," I sighed, defeated, turning back around so Beck could resume my back massage. "I promise."

It killed me to lie to him. It really did. But I honestly thought I had no other choice.

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><p><strong>AN: I love reviews, people. Really. Please. :3**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I freakin' love this chapter. Soso cute. c: It makes me all happy and bubbly inside. Finally something smile-y again, lol. Enjoy! And reviews, please, you know the drill. ;)**

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><p>Gotta love how I get better sleep in Beck's RV than I do in my own bed. Ironic, right?<p>

Maybe it's just because I feel protected when I'm in his arms. He's the only one that can stop me from the scariest thing I've ever had to face: myself.

Normally, I wake up earlier than Beck and just close my eyes and breathe until he starts to stir, which is when I get up and head to the mini-fridge to grab him an orange juice and frozen Pop-Tart. Sometimes, I swear, we're like an old married couple.

But that day, he had set an alarm for ten a.m., around when I usually woke up, and I heard him shuffle around in the bed and mumble something.

"What, Beck?" I yawned and stretched, then opened my eyes to see him tiredly facing me with a goofy grin on his face.

"I said, 'happy birthday, baby.'" He leaned over to the nightstand near his side of the bed and pulled a small black box onto the mattress, laying it between us. "You're seventeen!"

I groaned and propped myself up onto my elbow. Great. I forgot. My birthday. I hated birthdays- why would anyone want to _celebrate_ the day I was brought into this world?

"I thought we agreed on no presents?" I grumbled.

"I lied." He said and his smile widened. "Come on Jade, just open it!" He was like a four year old little kid on Christmas.

"Alright, alright…" I growled, and he laughed. I gently lifted the lid off of the box and flipped through some light tissue paper until I found what I was looking for.

I pulled a long silver chain out of the box. Hanging off of it was a medium sized gold ring, with engravings around it.

"_Wow_." I gaped. It was beautiful, and must have cost him a fortune. I really wasn't a fan of jewelry (I mean, besides the tiny stud in my nose and the ring in my brow) but it was simply gorgeous.

"I have one too," Beck was grinning, pulling his out of the drawer in his nightstand. It was identical to mine; except for that his was engraved "_Beck&Jade_" as opposed to mine which was set up "_Jade&Beck_" and I assumed it was to tell them apart.

I noticed on the side opposite the names, a few small Chinese characters were engraved as well.

"What's this?" I said, brushing my fingers across them lightly.

"Oh. Well, um…" Beck said a bit nervously, "It means, uh… forever. You know. I thought it fit, I guess… '_Beck and Jade- forever_.' If you don't like it though, I can always-"

"Beck." I smiled, something I definitely did not think I would do at all today. He was just so cute, I couldn't help it. "I love it." He grinned again and jumped out of bed, throwing a tee shirt on with a pair of skinny jeans, and excitedly put his necklace on. He claimed he was going to get me breakfast, which I hoped was a pancake meal from McDonald's (of course he knew), and told me he'd text me as soon as he got there. He ran out the door giving me a swift peck on the lips before leaving. I was so sure he'd come back with flowers, too, or some shit.

Beck and Jade, Jade and Beck- _forever_.

I liked the sound of that.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: This chapter is, I feel, one of the best things that I've actually ever written. It's intense, lol. I'm freakin' in love with it though, it's my favorite chapter by far from th****is story... let me know what you think! Ironic that it's chapter 12, because that's my lucky number ahaha. Welp. Hope y'all like it.**

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><p>Little<em> girl; long, wavy brown hair, bright blue eyes- windows to her soul- and a smile that shines bright enough to light an entire city. She holds a toy microphone and dances around gracefully in a pretty meadow, singing her heart out. Her voice is melodious, even for her young age.<em>

_There's a mirror in the meadow that she just notices, a tall, extravagant mirror, and she is intrigued. She runs up to the mirror and admires the detail carved along the sides, and then looks into the glass, and she sees…_

_Her face. But she's taller. Her body isn't covered by ripped jean shorts and a pink tee, but dark-wash jeans and a black v-neck. Her hair is black as night with streaks of deep blue and green, and her blue eyes are dull and sad. On her face are two studded piercings. The smile is gone. Down her left arm are red scars, and the microphone in her hand is no longer a microphone- but a bottle of pills, and a razor, held by shaking fingers with nails that have pure black polish on them._

_Little girl is curious, but not frightened. She tilts her head. So does the reflection. She raises her arm. The reflection does, too. She says, "My name's Jade." The reflection's mouth moves._

_But, instead of repeating little Jade's sentence, the reflection cries and moans, "Little girl, little girl, **save me**."_

_Little girl is confused. Could this monster possibly be what she is destined to become…?_

_Big girl; long, wavy black hair, blue eyes that tears run freely out of, shaking, sobbing, screaming. She's out of control. She's yelling, cursing, crying, as a scene of a handsome dark prince kissing a pretty girl with a bracelet that says "Beck&Tori" engraved on it, runs through her mind on replay- over, and over, and over again._

_She's kicking, and slamming, and hurting, oh, so badly. There's only one thing she can think of, and it's "Tori, Tori, Tori, he wants **Tori**. not you. Pretty, funny, talented, easy, **normal**. Normal, normal, normal, because you are **not** normal._

"_Clean, together, functional, and not broken, broken, broken, like **you** are. Because who wants a broken instrument, a broken electronic- a broken girlfriend? Things that are broken deserve to be thrown away, Jade."_

_She cries, and cries, and cries, and pulls a bottle the size of her palm out of her back pocket. "He never wanted you." Broken, broken, broken. Too, too broken._

_She pours the contents into her waiting hand. One, two, three- ten pills? Twenty? Maybe up to thirty as she keeps pouring._

_And suddenly it's his voice, ringing in her head like a big speaker is hooked up to her brain, and it's saying, "You promised, Jade. You promised. You **promised.**" Over, and over, and over again._

_But he promised you he loved you. He promised you he'd never leave you._

_And if he breaks his promises, you're allowed to break yours._

I bolted upright in bed, screaming at the top of my lungs. I couldn't help the tears the flowed out of my eyes, or the small, compulsive shakes that sent my body into tremors.

"Jade, what's wrong?" Beck was awake and had the lights on within seconds. This was the first time the nightmares had followed me to Beck's RV. The realization that it wasn't just me being messed up at home, that I was messed up here, too, the _only_ place I felt safe- that I wasn't safe, _anywhere_- sent me over the edge. I buried my face in my hands and started sobbing.

"Oh my God, Jade, what the _Hell_ happened?" Beck's eyebrows were scrunched up in confusion and his eyes were filled with concern and fear as he leaned towards me- almost like he was afraid to touch me. Of fucking _course_ I would scare the only person left to help me.

"I'm so sorry, Beck," I sobbed and threw my arms around his neck, crying into his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

"Shh, Jade, it's okay." He pulled me onto his lap and locked his arms around me. I cried into his fitted white tee shirt and he played with my hair and rubbed my back like I was an infant in an attempt to soothe me.

"Beck- Beck, don't leave me!" I sobbed and choked into his neck. I'd never been this weak and childish in front of anyone. I always saved my breakdowns for my own house; even Beck had never seen me this bad before.

_Broken, broken, broken, too, too broken…_ the words from my nightmare flooded through my thoughts and made me cry and sob even harder.

"Jade, Jade…" Beck's low, soft voice chased away my cold memory and a sort of warmth filled me when he whispered in my ear, "I'm here, baby, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, Jade, I'm right here."

My breathing slowed and the tears halted, but there was still a hitch in my breath when I choked out, "B-broken.,,"

"No," Beck cupped my face in his hands and kissed my forehead lightly before laying back and shifting me so I remained in his lap. He closed his eyes and I rested my head on his shoulder, and he mumbled, "Beautiful," while continuing to play with my hair and rub my back, holding me.

We fell asleep like that, after a while.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So I actually love this chapter, because I feel like besides Jade and Beck (in that order), Cat is the next character that has a lot of depth and wiggle-room to play with, which, as an author, I looove. c: Plus I'm a total Jade/Cat friend-shipper. They'd totally compliment each other. And the fact that they're so different but so similar makes them such perfect best friends, especially coming from a girl who's had a best friend from the age of 3 who is the exact opposite of herself. Ugh, foil characters. 3 Welp. Now that I've nerded out on y'all for the day.**

**Disclaimer: Not today, son.**

* * *

><p>"Pleeeeeease?"<p>

"Cat, I _really_ can't go."

"Aww, why?"

"Because, I don't want to!" I frustratedly told my best friend while walking down the Hollywood Arts High School main hallway. I looked down at her (she was a solid four inches shorter than me, possibly more) and her sweet smile had turned into a pitiful frown from not having her way.

"It's just one night, Jade! It'll be fun!" She tried to bribe me with a puppy-dog face, and whined, "Just you and me and Robbie and Beck and André and-" she stopped, correcting herself quickly, "-and, yeah!"

"And_ Tori_?" I said suspiciously, and the loss of confidence in Cat's expression confirmed it. "I'm not going to the fair tonight, Cat." I stalked off towards my locker.

"Oh, Jadelyn!" Cat stomped her foot and stormed towards me. "Why are you always so… _bitter_?" She crossed her arms angrily and pouted, pushing her long, red-velvet-cupcake-colored hair off of her shoulders in the process. It was the best attempt that my sweet little Cat could muster up of a "Jade, I'm pissed off at you and I want you to know it" attitude, and it was _still_ slightly more than adorable. I couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Jade, stop laughing at me, I'm… I'm- mad at you!" She shouted and kept her hard gaze. I smirked a little, wondering how much longer she'd be able to keep this up.

"Look, Kitty-" I had to make up some story to get me out of this, and _fast_, "I'm taking Beck out to dinner tonight and then we're going back to my house to… hang out." (As far as _you_ know.) "My mom's not home tonight and we wanted some time… alone." Wow, it sounded better than I thought it would. Well, I guess I did have plans for the night, then. And so did Beck.

"Aw!" Cat broke easily, she was still disappointed, but happier to know I wouldn't be spending my Friday night alone at my house. "We'll miss you!" She hugged me around the waist, a fast squeeze, and then looked a little sad for a few seconds.

"Don't worry, Cat, you'll be having way too much fun to think about Beck and me." I smiled, something that was rare, especially in school, but Cat could usually pull one out of me.

"I know," she smiled back. "And what about you guys?" She said, curiously.

"We'll be…" I said, thinking about how much fun Beck and I _would_ actually have tonight. Two teenagers plus one big, empty house, equals _endless_ possibilities. I smirked again. "We'll be busy enough."

Cat giggled and I laughed along with her.

I may not treat her the best all of the time, that's obvious enough. I yell at her, I push her around, I take her for granted a _lot_. But I really am thankful to have her as a friend.

Especially since she's my only one.


End file.
